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Friday March 21, 2008 March 20, 2008

Posted by Ric in Aries, Gemini, Pisces, Scorpio.
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Planet X decruxilates Mars in Aries: You will be held up in traffic by an Easter Parade and will miss the only chance you’ll ever have to meet the love of your life. Shortly thereafter you will forsake your church and become a Hindu, without quite knowing why.

Uranus cruxalianates Mercury in Pisces: Xander and Crocillus, tired of huddling in their cardboard box under the bridge to survive the cold weather, strike out for the Southland. The couple hops a freight headed god-knows-where, but south, and in the freight car they meet a defrocked preacher. On a whim they have him marry them. When they leave the train in Georgia, five IRS agents meet them and arrest them for failure to pay back taxes. Protesting that they had no income did no good, as the IRS insisted that since they married on the train they must have money and thus earnings and thus they are taxable. They are currently being held in a large Midwestern camp built by Halliburton, awaiting trial, which they have been promised will occur in about ten years.

Iapetus recruxates Iesu in Scorpio: You shouldn’t have told your kids the Easter Bunny isn’t real. They will be arrested today for stealing a shotgun and a pistol from the home of an honest cynic two streets over.

Neptune incruxiniliates Charon in Gemini: A hamster and a gerbil escape their enclosures in a downtown St. Paul pet store. Hiding in the storeroom they get high on fumes from a can of lighter fluid and knock the can over. It spills on a short circuit and ignites. Exploding cans of pet food spread the fire rapidly through the back door, into the alley, and into the buildings adjacent. Soon all of downtown is ablaze and soon all of downtown is nothing but ashes and ruins. The pet store escapes serious damage because the ferrets had the good sense to trigger the sprinkler system. One spider in the back room was singed slightly, but otherwise no animals were harmed.

 

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