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Thursday March 20, 2008 March 19, 2008

Posted by Ric in Today's Horoscope.
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[Note: Wednesday’s horoscope was canceled due to an unusual wishful conflation of the planets Beauty and Beast.]

Mars trilliates Venus in Scorpio: Normally this would be a very sexy day for you but you’re going to be arrested by an ugly, fat, mean cop and you will feel anything but sexy.

Jupiter detrilliates Venus in Taurus: A handsome middle-aged American writer falls madly in love with a beautiful British lawyer considerably younger than himself. Knowing that he can never have her because of time, distance, and money, he sells all he owns and moves to Central America where he foments a revolution in a small country and becomes the President for Life, bringing a progressive revolution to the lives of the people. The gorgeous lawyer, discovering this, decides to surprise the new President, and flies to the country to join the man, whom she secretly loves, but arrives too late, as he succumbs to heartbreak over her the night before she arrives. She returns to England, heartbroken herself, but determined to continue her quest for peace, justice, and beauty, dedicated to the mysterious man she loved. Sigh. 

Saturn retrilliates Venus in Sagittarius: You will bet on a sure thing in the local police-sponsored rat race, acting on a tip from a police sergeant of your acquaintance (your brother). A disgruntled ex-cop shoots your rat as it leaves the gate and you lose thousands. On the positive side, your brother moves out of your basement.

Neptune obtrilliates Venus in Leo: A girl named Harry and a boy named Sue, tired of being the butt of jokes in their small Midwestern American town, plant explosives all over the main street and time them to detonate when the couple is far away in a small Central American country in the midst of a progressive revolution led by an expatriate American writer. The small town vanishes from the face of the earth in the explosion. No rats are harmed. The couple join the revolution but are killed by right-wing radicals who seek a return to the corrupt dictatorship that oppressed the people.

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