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Wednesday March 12, 2008 March 12, 2008

Posted by Ric in Uncategorized.
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Uranus confiscates Pluto in Leo: A good friend will ask you for money today. Your stars tell you to be generous and send it to this address…

Mercury debiliates the Moon in Taurus: Mervyn and Luna, two drinking buddies, will leave their cardboard shack under the big bridge and head for Las Vegas. When they get there they will marry in a small chapel staffed by Harry Potter impersonators, and go on to successful careers as poker dealers.

Venus labiliates Charon in Capricorn – twice: Your former spouse will return from his two year stay in the jungles of the Amazon and tell you has discovered an herb that will take care of that little problem you divorced him for. In a moment of weakness you will discover in the bedroom that he is still lying.

Jupiter circumiliates Mars in Aries: Petroneus Johnson, recently converted to a small fundamentalist Christian sect in Missouri, at 2:13 this afternoon will take his entire collection of heavy metal CDs, including several rare classics worth thousands of dollars, into an empty field and burn them, using kerosene. About halfway through the ritual, overseen by sect members, a mixture of flaming kerosene and CD plastic slips into a deep crevice, falling several hundred feet into the earth, where it ignites a huge pocket of natural gas. The explosion rips upward and kills Petroneus and the sect leaders, and rips down into the New Madrid earthquake fault, which promptly ruptures into a 9.6 Richter earthquake, leveling several cites in the Midwest and South, killing millions, and finally allowing the Mississippi and the Gulf of Mexico to flow inland for hundreds of miles, recreating the Great Inland Sea of prehistory. In response the United States nukes Iran, world war erupts, and everybody dies. The surviving cats, rats, and cockroaches breathe a sigh of relief, and begin rebuilding.

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