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September 17, 2007 September 17, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Virgo contratends Scorpio via Saturn: You will meet an actual virgin today, of the opposite sex. It will be the person wearing red. Pretend not to notice.

Jupiter intendulates within Cancer: Merlin and Martha, strangers to each other, will be kicked out of their respective homes today for expressing an interest in sex education. Their homes are not filled with intelligent or enlightened people, nor are Merlin and Martha the brightest bulbs. They meet on the street after midnight and commiserate. Finding that they have much in common they pool their meager savings, go to an all night bookstore and buy a copy of The Joy of Sex. They will find the next week together to be rather interesting.

Planet X detendrates Venus: You will meet a short dark strange person. Cross to the other side of the street. He’s too weird for words.

Asteroid W extends through Taurus: A year ago a weak gas pipe under the city of Phoenix began seeping gas into the soil. A huge amount of it has built up and at 6:08 this evening a homeless person will light a cigarette in the vicinity. The gas will ignite explosively over an area of one square mile, lifting that entire portion of the city fifty feet into the air and then burning it to a cinder. Lots and lots of people die. After the fire is out and some semblance of normalcy returns, the city fathers will ban homeless people from smoking cigarettes. Extensive police resources will be devoted to enforcing the ban. Crime wave to follow. Tape at eleven.

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