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September 11, 2007 September 11, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Jupiter noodges Saturn, reprobate in Virgo: A horny middle-aged man, at the dentist to have his teeth cleaned by the gorgeous hygienist, proposes marriage to her. She agrees and the two of them fly to Vegas where she divorces her husband and they live a passionate life thereafter, until he loses his teeth and she runs off with a blackjack dealer.

Mercury flips Pluto: You will enter a dark time in your life. Very dark. You will feel considerable panic and anxiety over this matter. But after a while you will realize you have sleepwalked into a closet and your panic will subside until you realize you are locked in and everyone else has left for several days vacation.

Asteroid X bogarts Triton: Little pieces of Triton will fly off and strike the gaseous surface of Jupiter, setting off violent explosions visible on earth. An amateur astronomer, somewhat deranged, sees the flashes, determines that Jupiter is exploding and that Earth is doomed. He attacks the luscious woman astrophysicist next door, who decides not to prosecute when she figures out what’s going on. They get married and live pretty cheerily ever after.

Asteroid Y vafongulates Neptune: A rogue two-year-old infant escapes his mother in Central Park, and is caught hours later by a strange woman who starts to run with him. She slips on an orange peel and drops the kid into an open construction trench, where he falls onto a couple of high voltage lines and is electrocuted, throwing most of the city into darkness. The power failure interrupts a bank robbery, causing the robbers to mis-time their explosive charges at the vault, leading to the collapse of the building, which knocks down another building, and so on. Thirty-seven buildings fall before it’s all over. The mother of the infant is charged with negligence, child abandonment, operation of an explosive device, and destruction of private property. The infant is charged with the deaths of the people in the buildings, but the prosecutor, in a fit of kindness, drops all charges on learning that the kid died in the trench.

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