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August 6, 2007 August 6, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Mars retrograde in Sagittarius: A phantom atomic bomb will be dropped on a phantom Japan today, killing hundreds of thousands of phantom civilians. Few real people will notice, fewer still will care. But there will still be sushi.

Planet X speedbumps Venus in Leo: Your girlfriend will do the deli clerk in the back room of the supermarket this afternoon because you complained about the cold cuts she bought there yesterday and blamed her for them not being up to your standards. She will discover that the deli clerk surpasses your standards.

Saturn and Neptune cognosticate Pluto in Leo: A happily married religious couple in the Northwest will decide their marriage is threatened by the move to permit gay marriages. The couple will divorce and each take on a same-sex partner, doing their best to discredit the gay marriage movement by making their partners miserable.

Asteroid X snogs Mercury: The asteroid will clip a piece off of Mercury, sending it hurtling into the Earth’s orbit, from where it will plunge to earth, landing in the middle of Moscow and killing a minor bureaucrat. The bureaucrat’s wife, distraught, upset, furious, believing her husband’s death was a plot by Putin, assassinates the entire Russian leadership. The remaining functionaries take over the government, proclaim a capitalist plot to destroy Russia, and assassinate a fourth cousin twice removed of one of Adam Smith’s descendants. No one notices and the crisis is resolved.

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