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July 12, 2007 July 12, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Aquarius contravenes Cancer via Mars: When you get home from work you will find a note on the mantelpiece. It’s from your cat, explaining why he left for a better offer. The note doesn’t explain why he took your goldfish with him.

Uranus entangles Neptune: Alice and Zelda will run away from their homes and families and establish a small bookmaking shop in Las Vegas in a small alley off the strip. They will do very well, especially after a stray cat takes up residence in the shop and attracts business. The cat is peculiarly suspicious of anyone approaching his goldfish.

Mars contumulates Virgo: Your daughter runs away from home with an Army general. She’s forty-five. It’s about time.

Jupiter and Saturn arugulate in Leo: This afternoon at 12:02 a deep sea diver using a gas torch on a shipwreck inadvertently ignites a massive methane field off the coast of Florida. The exploding gas rising through the sea creates a major tsunami that completely wipes Florida off the map and messes pretty seriously with Georgia. The accompanying fireball immediately dries out flooded Florida and turns it into a desert. Alligators, escaping the devastated Everglades in vast numbers, fan out over the Gulf of Mexico, take up habitation along the entire coast, and eat tens of thousands of unwary people. New Orleans is abandoned. Mobile Bay is closed permanently. Gasoline prices rise precipitately, sparking a revolt leading to the overthrow of the government. Chaos ensues. Mexico and Canada immediately fence their borders. By 8 tonight Western Civilization will have fallen. The cat with the goldfish will not be harmed.

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