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July 10, 2007 July 10, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Cancer coruscates Planet X. You will feel exceptionally hot today and be very tempted to wear that short skirt to work. Your wife will object, pointing out that you only feel hot because the temperature at 7 a.m. was 97 degrees.

Jupiter pores Gemini. Doreen, shopping for groceries at the corner store, will meet her soulmate in the checkout line. She will know the gentleman is her soulmate, but she will say goodbye and go home to her cat, whom she loves dearly. She will be rewarded by the Cat Gods.

Earth bisexes Saturn in Capricorn. Martin, Doreen’s soulmate, will go home and weep for his lost dreams. He thinks that perhaps things could have been different in the grocery line if only Doreen were not a cat lover or he not a tropical fish lover.

Plutonic perturbations from Asteroid Hera. A lightning strike in Northern Canada will travel seven miles along the ground in the great forests of the north, igniting a vast swath of trees. The smoke will cause more lightning, which will cause more fires, ultimately igniting the oil shale fields in the West, until all of Canada is ablaze. The United States will erect a forty foot fence along he length of the border to keep out the raving hordes of Canadians, to no avail. Ultimately both countries will burn to the ground from coast to coast. Indians will then claim the land and erect casinos for Europeans on the East Coast and Asians on the West Coast. They will hire Mexicans to build and staff the casinos. No animals will be harmed in the fires.

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