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July 9, 2007 July 9, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Sic transit gloria mundi. It’s Monday and Gloria will get sick on the rapid transit train again. The conductor will need a new pair of shoes.

Mercury squabbling Jupiter in Cancer. You will have a difficult day. The coffee maker at work doesn’t work. The boss won’t get a new one, won’t fix the old one. Bess, in the next cubicle, will undergo severe caffeine withdrawal symptoms. Really severe. She’ll be arrested. The local Starbucks shut down overnight after a raid by ATF agents. The nearest good coffee is three miles away. You will make it through because you’re smart enough to go to the drugstore across the street and get caffeine pills. Since you won’t tell anybody that’s what you did, you will get a promotion because you’re the only one who keeps a cool head during the coffee crisis.

Saturn singulates Pluto. Your dog, the Chihuahua, not the Pomeranian, will get loose and bite the neighbor next door, you know, the good-looking woman you’ve had the hots for since she moved in. She will think the dog is cute, and will transfer that feeling to you. You’ll get lucky this weekend.

Planet X morganas Comet Madray. Comet Madray will be perturbed from its orbit, which will result in an unnamed black comet hitting the earth at 2:17 this afternoon. Everyone dies. A million years later no one will give a damn.

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