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July 7, 2007 July 7, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Planet X retrograde in Gemini. You will have a wonderful time at your birthday party today. It doesn’t matter that it’s not your birthday. People will bring presents. That’s what’s important.

Saturn doctors Venus. A small Montana town will be beset by prostitutes, drawn by rumors of a new gold mine. The religious folk will line up on one side. The horny folk will line up on the other. The hookers don’t care – they’ll take anybody’s money. In a year they will own the town.

Neptune and Uranus in jiggery to Sagittarius. Axelrod and Melba will host a big barbecue at their ranch this afternoon. Two hundred and twenty seven people will show up, eat dead meat and white bread and beans, and have a wonderful time. Tonight Axelrod and Melba, in the midst of making love, will be abducted by aliens. The aliens are annoyed because they weren’t invited to the barbecue, even though they killed the cows used.

Aries folds Jupiter through Taurus. A cockroach will eat through a small, but vital, electrical cable at the major supplier of cable television in New York City and environs this afternoon at 1:48. The failure of the cable will initiate a cascade that shuts down the entire cable for the area, including television, internet, and phone service. Riots will follow. The police will flee the city, which will suffer tens of billions of dollars worth of damage. Recovery will take decades. The national economy will collapse shortly after this incident. The cockroach will not be harmed.

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