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July 6, 2007 July 6, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aquarius, Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Planet X, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Mercury moshes Phobos. You will attend a hip-hop concert tonight and discover that you cannot dance. Your friends will be embarrassed. Tomorrow you will find new friends. They can’t dance either.

Jupiter in Pisces, obnubilated with Saturn. Family matters will concern you heavily today. Your 11-year-old daughter will trip in front of you and fall against your leg, breaking it in three places. You will decide that it’s time for her to go on a diet and lose 100 pounds of the 200 she carries. She, in a fit of pre-teen rage, will smash all her Britney Spears CDs, and jam the shards into the tires of your car. The next several years will be eventful.

Mars transits Aries, Capricorn, and Scorpio. Mertaugh and Griselda, the other Griselda, will save a bum from being hit by a speeding bus. He is a real bum, owning nothing, but he gives them his half-full pint of cheap whisky in profound gratitude.

Neptune demercolates Uranus. A television station in Brasil will experience a huge electrical overload that destroys all their equipment, kills everyone in the station, melts the base of the nearby antenna, which crashes to the ground. The resulting fire will level a large city, killing millions, and destroying the economy of Brasil. Hugo Chavez will then buy the country and rebuild it. Everyone will actually be quite happy when all is said and done.

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