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June 23, 2007 June 23, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Planet X, Sagittarius, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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You will have a good day today. Your toast will land right side up on the floor. Only half your keyboard at work will be disabled when Jerry spills coffee on it. You will be offered a pretty good severance package. When you get home you’ll find a nice note from your wife offering an uncontested divorce. The interesting thing is that there is no good astrological explanation for these events. So, just go with the flow.

Neptune quibbles Uranus. Charlie and Myrtle will have a tremendous fight over who gets the Starbucks card in the divorce settlement. Rather than concede, both decide to continue to be married. They will sue Starbucks for emotional distress.

Venus obnubilates Pluto. Your boyfriend will turn a cold shoulder to you in the coming week. Don’t push him. He’s in quite a bit of pain from his viagralated 76 hour erection. The thought of sex makes him cringe.

Jupiter crunchy with Saturn. The Marianas Trench in the Pacific Ocean will split further, opening a vast, gaping hole in the Earth’s crust. Because of a unique geological condition, sea water will flow into the mantle rather than the usual event of the mantle blowing upwards. The mantle will cool in a chain reaction and the cooling will spread through the interior of the Earth. Global warming will become a distant memory. Instead, we will all freeze to death.

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