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June 16, 2007 June 16, 2007

Posted by Ric in Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Earth, Eris, Gemini, Horoscope, Leo, Libra, Planet X, Sagittarius, Taurus, Today's Horoscope, Virgo.
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Mars larges Planet X. A good day to plant tomatoes, especially the exploding kind. If anyone whose fingerprints don’t match the tomato registry (www.explodingtomatoregistry.com) touches them, they’ll explode and cover the thief with pasta sauce. The only problem is that it’s a real bitch wiring each tomato to the internet.

Eris punchy with Pluto. Today you should wash the car, take a shower, and dress up all spiffy for a night on the town. You may meet that special someone. Probably a bartender who’s heard your lonely, pathetic story before, but will be polite and listen anyway. But he may be bi.

Melvin will run away from the monastery, fleeing with his new love, the transgendered monk. They will find happiness in Las Vegas, winning several million dollars from a dollar slot machine and opening the Holy Church of the Transgendered Christ.

Saturn goofs Mercury. Mars objects. A volcanic eruption at La Palma in the Canary Islands will send half the island sliding into the Atlantic, initiating a tsunami several hundred feet high that will scour the East Coast of the United States and South America for fifty miles inland. The stock market will gain 27 points on gains in cleaning company stocks. The eruption is scheduled for 11:22 this morning.

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