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June 8, 2007 June 8, 2007

Posted by Ric in Horoscope, Today's Horoscope.
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Two cats from New Jersey will battle over a kitty runaway from Brooklyn. All will be for naught as Jupiter opposes Mercury, Venus opposes Mars, and all are square with each other. The toms were neutered and the kitty spayed. After some growling and batting of paws, the trio will rob a pet store in Secaucus, making off with two boxes of fine catnip.

Melvin will enter a dangerous time this weekend as Scorpio rising doesn’t.

You will have visitors who will say rude things with the best of intentions. Saturn will be in annoyance with Uranus. Best to keep the shotgun locked up.

Alice’s date with Mercutio (unfortunate Shakespeare-addled parents) will not go well. She must not drink from the small bottle. Try the Amaretto instead.

Mars ascends Mercury, who gets really irritated. A hidden lava vent will erupt in the Catacombs of Rome, spreading fire and destruction throughout the city. The Vatican will fall into a huge pit of fire. By Sunday Rome will be gone, except for the Trevi Fountain, which will be full of coins, terrified tourists, and one clever thief taking advantage.

Jupiter and Saturn consternate each other, bringing about an 8.0 earthquake which will rock the Cape Cod Canal at 2:34 this afternoon, collapsing both bridges and stopping all tourist traffic for at least three months.

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