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June 4, 2007 June 4, 2007

Posted by Ric in Horoscope, Today's Horoscope.

Mars, Venus, and Neptune will squabble at 9:05 this morning, but the crisis will end at 9:49 when Jupiter quartines with Saturn.

An Italian cousin, possibly named Guido or possibly Harry, will win some lottery money today. Before he can offer you any he will be severely injured by a large piano hurled from the roof of a high-rise hotel in Naples, or possibly Rome, and will need all the money to pay for his care.

You will however, while walking through a parking lot, find a dime. It will be worth ten cents.

Melvin’s wife will run away with the neighbor’s wife. Meanwhile, Melvin’s sister has moved in permanently with her neighbor’s wife. Melvin, disconsolate, will require consolation. Try beer. Lots of beer, due to the powerful effect of Neptune in this matter.

A fairly large chunk of the Moon will be dislodged today at 10:17 a.m. by an errant asteroid due to a triangulation of the Moon, the Sun, and Planet X. The Moonie will enter Earth’s atmosphere and burn up before hitting the ground. Two people in its path, however, will inhale Moon dust, which will initiate fatal allergies. Since they are camping in a deep cave in the Rockies, their bodies will not be found until after the next Ice Age, but in January, probably the 17th or 18th.



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